OK, so I will provide some basic instructions and outline to help you write, direct and produce your own personally tailored horror film. The idea is that by facing cues, whether they be images, thoughts, emotions, memories and so on, with repeated viewing, they lose their power. They aquired their power by conditioning in the first place and so by utilizing those same laws of conditioning, we can decfrease their power. Thus by learning to “lose control” and stop the process of avoidance, we can face any fear, image, and thought. There is no such thing as a dangerous thought.
Exposing fear is courageous
So, here is the basic outline and example. While this technique can be employed toward any difficult emotion, right know we will just focus on fear. In the example I provide, the individual is facing the fear of fear. That is , the fear of losing control as a result of facing her fears. This is very common and is often a good place to start since so many share this fear.
Describe the fear, anxiety, or worry that you want to expose:
“Fear of losing it from facing fear”
Rank your fear on a 0-100 scale: “95”
What elements are likely to magnify fear intensity (setting, time, people or objects present, other contextual cues):
“Co-workers, family, and others see me lose it. I let the anxiety come and it just takes over.”
How do people react to you in the scene?
“They look at me like I am nuts. They call the ambulance to take me away.”
Does this tap memories that bear a similarity to this scene?
“My mother had to be hospitalized for depression when I was young. I know people looked at her differently after that.”
What is the most feared outcome or consequence?
“I become insane from too much anxiety. I have to be put away and have no control over my thoughts or actions. I lose my job. And I even lose my husband and family and I am completely abandoned and alone”
Put it all together into one scene:
“I start facing fear doing this exercise and the fear just keeps on mounting. It just keeps building and building. My heart beats wildly and I feel my muscles get so tight it feels they might snap. My thoughts starts running wild and I can’t slow them down. It feels like a tornado in my brain. I go to work and can’t calm down. people see that i appear distraught. I try to forget the anxiety but it just keeps building. People are starting to look concerned but also like they want me out of there. They don’t want to see someone like that. I get so upset that I get physically sick. Now they look disgusted. I can hear people muttering that they think I am having a breakdown and someone yells to call the ambulance. The ambulance arrives and they strap me to a gurney. Everyone is watching as they cart me out. They look at me like I am a pathetic lunatic. My husband arrives at the hospital and he looks disgusted with me. Its like he knew I would turn out like my mother and be a burden. he doesn’t leave me because that wouldn’t look good but he doesn’t love me any more and I am all alone.”
Rank our fear (0-100): “50”. I realize I’m not really going to lose it from fear and it’s not really dangerous. My real fear is judgement and rejection.
Of course we know that as shame.
Ok, so that’s essentially it. Of course your own scenes may appear very different. Remember, there is no such thing as wrong scenes. If it occurs to you, then it is probably important. You’ll see over time what cues help provoke the most fear. And keep repeating the scene. Over time, it will (surprisingly quickly) lose its power, The scene may change and you can add or replace scene content. Sometimes, old memories will surface that you can also focus on and allow the emerging emotions to be fully embraced. More on that in the next post.
Some of you may not be able to do this on your own. not every one can clearly harbor scenes in their mind, or some may feel too threatened. neither is a failure. For these and other reasons, all are encouraged to seek professional assistance. What I am promoting is not a replacement, but a supplement.
Please, feel free to share comments, comments, questions or concerns.
Have fun making movies.
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Mindful Exposure Horror movie
Worry/fear to expose;
Fear of never losing weight
Rank Fear
110
What elements are likely to magnify fear intensity( setting time people or objects present or contextual cues?
Going into the presence of other potential partners, previous or just the presence them. Buying clothes, looking in the mirror, drying off after shower,looking at existing clothes. Class reunions.
How do people react to you in the scene?
Shocked faces, pointing fingers, gasping, saying things like,” thats gross”, Wow you’ve really gotten fat, that belly’s disgusting, how did you let yourself get like that?,” Can’t even imagine making love to that, all that fat. Kinda look like a pig.
They leave the scene.
Does this tap memories that bear a similarity to this scene?
Self talk and what I have thought about fat. Mom making comments about fat people. “that’s gross”. Her description of people. You know ” the really big gal”
The disparity of how fat people are treated.
My ex wanted me to lose weight before he gave a couple of nighties he bought at his uncles party ( when I was in my 20’s). I was 128 lbs. @#&^(*(
It’s also how I react to myself.
What is the most feared outcome or consequence?\
That it’s true.
That I AM gross, its true. because I think so. Who would want me? Rejection. That fat equals a lousy person. They have no self control, they don’t know anything.They’re emotionally unstable.
Put it all together in one scene:
OMG when I begin to face the fear I become paralyzed, angry. I immediately think about wanting to throw my phone or something through a window then destroying everything around me until I have no energy left. I want to tell (swear severely) at everyone around me. I see them but they become blurred there is so much rage, it’s not them I’m yelling at it’s ME for doing the VERY THING I DETESTED…being FAT. I’m so f——-angry for not enjoying myself for very long when I was thin, I thought I was fat then and I wasn’t, Damn it.
There is no one around, I’m all alone.
I keep reaching out, grasping for someone to just “love” me. My God!!! I try reeling them in, they just want to take from me what I give and so desperately want for myself. Love but I’m all but dead now.
Rank your fear 65
Incredible scene…you are very courageous since I’m sure that was very difficult. But it’s important that people recognize that the emotional arousal went from “110” down to a “65”. With repetitions of the scene, that number will continue to decrease. Moreover, over time you will probably witness less shame associated with being overweight. And as your shame decreases, you just might find that the weight decreases. Time will tell.
As the scene gets repeated, new material will likely emerge…other thoughts, fears, shames and memories. Please refer to the next post on “evaporation and transpiration”. Keep peeling the onion and thanks so much for divulging your experience.
I would like to share with you as well that this process has been very healing. The shame associated with this particular issue has almost disappeared. The 65 is slowly decreasing as I face the fear. I practiced a mindful of emotions exercise that was sent to me by my friend who recommended your blog.
I resisted at first but as I looked at the next obstacle in this arena, (what and how to eat) I was totally confused, fearful and paralyzed. It felt like I was held back by an invisible force. A clear wall. As I spent time with the feelings, emotions and observed them, the resistance and wall gradually decreased. They did not control me but were just there in a much smaller form.
With the help of talking about this with my friend I was able to see how much I have been dancing around the weight issue but not taking action.
My specific eating patterns has become an addiction/habit as a result of the shame. It felt safe from life. My mind and body wrapped itself around it. Unhealthy eating became my addiction/escape/answer to uncomfortable feelings/fears etc. The more I fed this monster (escape,addiction) the greater the severity of shame and all its ugliness and devastation.
I would cycle in and out. This unhealthy habitual path to happiness lies to me. As I feel good about “not doing” the bad habit the physical sensations will change as well but the behavior is what (action) breaks it. (this was shared by my friend, not my words, but true ) Stop thinking and do. My best thinking got me here. (Alanon) Felt like action though.
For me none of this would have taken place had life not gotten out of control and… most importantly…”wanted and sought to change”.
Walking through the fears, anxiety, whatever is NOT near as painful as avoiding them. Each subsequent “fear facing” episode is actually changing to a welcoming event because there is peace and freedom walking through it. The more I do this the more in tune with “me” I am and am then able to recognize an uncomfortable feeling much quicker and not let it get pushed aside to fester, causing greater damage.
I plan to make this a part of my life, enjoying who I really am as I’m being revealed.
Thank you.
Cathy: How well stated….”Walking through the fears, anxiety, whatever is NOT near as painful as avoiding them. Each subsequent “fear facing” episode is actually changing to a welcoming event because there is peace and freedom walking through it.”
I hope many people take in that point and can be encouraged by it. Once we turn to face our ‘demons” we almost instantly grow. The thought of doing it is actually much harder than the actuality. Most of our addictions, excesses, and symptoms and issues of all kinds are the direct result of our drive to avoid pain. By facing pain, we can alleviate suffering.
Thank you again for your inspiring contributions.
Mindful Exposure Horror movie
Worry/fear to expose:
Fear of showing fear/vulnerability to others
Rank Fear
90
What elements are likely to magnify fear intensity(setting, time, people or objects present or contextual cues?)
Giving public speaking, giving my opinion or performing in front of others that i percieve as being authority of some kind (boss, co-workers, women i like…)
How do people react to you in the scene?
Laughing, shocked faces, disguist, pointing fingers, shaking heads, yelling at me, avoiding me, gossiping “behind my back”…
Does this tap memories that bear a similarity to this scene?
Laughing when i had shaking voice while speaking, being “put down” by teacher, shaky hands at doctors office, rapid heartbeating while measuring pulse…
What is the most feared outcome or consequence?
That everyone notices that i am weak, that i treble and have shaky voice, that they all will be laughing and ridicule me. They are all avoiding me thinking that i am no worthy of their atention and i lose my job and friends.
Put it all together in one scene:
I decide to show/expose myself by giving a public speech that includes reading in front of 50 people. Hours before the scheduled event my muscles are so tight, thougths rapid, heart pounding, and i have a knot in my stomach that i just want to go home, escape or vomit. Hours before the event i cannot speak with co-workers without being tight or sheaky and i try to avoid everyone just hoping that “all will pass” and i can continue my life. As the event is getting nearer i am getting more and more aroused so i am losing consciousness for a few seconds, i go to bathroom to vomit but i cant. I am so tight and cannot seat and am constantly moving around. My herat is pounding 120 beats per minute half an hour before the event. Taking sedation pill is of no help. People are noticing my nervousness and start asking me if i am ok. I am lying that i am fine, just fine. I am imagining trembling in front of an audience, have shaking voice and passing out. Event is starting. Unfortunately, few people are speaking before me and that just builds up the tension. My heart beats 150 per minute and i am heavily sweating and starting to tremble when last speaker before me is finishing. I cant feel my legs. Someone siting next to me asks me something and i just cannot answer him and feel vety dull and stupid. Now they pronounce my name for the speech. I try to get up but i kneel on becouse my legs are weak. Everybody is straing at me an they are just puzzled. I somehow manage to slowly get to the stage with shaky legs and shaky hands while holding a paper. I am now facing the audience. Heart beats 200 per minute. I am starting to read… OMG! My voice is shaky and high like in some little girl. Everybody staring at me like i am nuts. My hands are starting to treble very visibly while holding the paper and all builds up… Next moment i faint straight down. Few moments later, i am conscious and can see they are taking me out of the room with people around just talking about me. I go to psychiatrist and they prescribe me lots of drugs. Meanwhile, i dont go to work, and nobody visits me. That just bilds on more ruminating about the whole situation. One week after that i come back to work and everybody turns their heads when i am near or have some little smile on their faces. I feel worthless and contine my addictions and avoidance of people. I write my about my fear on your blog and nobody responds.
Rank your fear
50 (at this moment, just from writing. While writing i am imagining, of course, but i did not run movie)
Alex: Thank you for courageously conducting and sharing this implosion scene. This will be so helpful for others to help face their own fears. So I can see your fear rating went from a 90 to a 50 which is a very significant reduction. I might suggest you continue practicing the scene such that you can witness further reductions in fear intensity. After a while, you may notice that the scene becomes boring or that it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain focus on the scene; all of which are evidence of exctinction or habituation. Of course new material may come to mind (other contextual cues, memories etc) which may also require your attention and focus to address. Again, kudos to you for your efforts. I am always amazed when people have the courage to face their fears.
I do suggest that you find a trained therapist in your vicinity who is trained in emotional exposure techniques to facilitate your further progress.
Describe the fear, anxiety, or worry that you want to expose:
Fear of speaking at work, publicly
Rank your fear on a 0-100 scale: 95
What elements are likely to magnify fear intensity (setting, time, people or objects present, other contextual cues):
Any professional setting, a meeting at work, training, more than 4 people (or so) present. Having to go around the room and do introductions is always what sets me off. Just thinking about this right now is inducing a very specific “anxiety ridden cough” that I get when I become really nervous. It sounds like I’m choking on something literally and hack for about 5-10 minutes consistently.
How do people react to you in the scene?
They point, laugh, start whispering to one another, and completely lose confidence in me as a professional and as a person.
Does this tap memories that bear a similarity to this scene?
Absolutely! I remember back when I was in my first or second year of college being in a speech class and watching someone give a speech and completely lose it. They were shaking so bad, started shaking in their voice and eventually lost it and started crying. Another time when at work we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves and say a little about who we are and what we did. This one woman was shaking so bad as she did this that I could see people talking about her and saying “what’s wrong with her?” This happened to me as well when my new VP of work started many years ago. Typically I get around this by taking beta blockers well ahead of any meeting and make sure I’m well prepared for any type of meeting whatsoever. However, this time he called a last minute meeting with the whole department (about 12-14 people) to meet us all and have us talk a bit about what we worked on. When it got to me, I literally froze and couldn’t even talk. I simply said “pass” and it went to the next person however after the meeting my coworkers all came up to me and asked me “what happened?”, they said I turned white as a ghost when it got to me and looked like I just died!
What is the most feared outcome or consequence?
As above, I completely lose it and break down and start crying. Everyone points and laughs, or whispers to one another while I’m losing it. My credibility is completely gone as a professional. I lose all respect and all my friends (at work) and will never again be taken seriously as a professional. Even at a new job word will spread of my awful breakdown and will cause me to not get hired.
Put it all together into one scene:
We are about to have a meeting in which I will be presenting something I’ve been working on lately. At the start of the meeting we all have to introduce ourselves and when it comes to me, I’m barely able to speak without sounding like I’m choking. I manage to get my name out and what area I work in but can see everyone already looking at me funny and wondering what’s wrong with me. After a brief lead up to my presentation the meeting leader turns it over to me and I begin to speak. I can hear my voice already shaking as I start and that makes my heart begin pounding faster in my chest. It’s pounding so loud that I can barely even hear what I’m saying and I look down and see my hands shaking too. By now I’m starting to lose people in the room. I see people taking photos of me with their smart phones, pointing, laughing, rolling their eyes, and another person looking away in embarrassment for me. It hits a peak and I can’t even talk anymore. My eyes are watering so bad that I start crying. I fall to my knees as I can’t stand any longer. Everyone is silent and can’t believe it. My boss says “okay everyone, lets go ahead and leave the room so Jason can collect himself.” I’m laying there in my own pool of anxiety and embarrassment realizing my career is over and that I’ve lost all respect at this company, this industry and among all my peers. I’m let go and forced to take a job where I’ll never have to public speak again since I clearly can’t handle it.
Rank your fear (0-100): 75. Yes, my fear score has come down a little and only cause I realize this isn’t really real right now. It still is a very real fear me and up til now I’ve avoided it by always taking lots of meds before meetings and being so well prepared that I know for certain if I’m going to need to speak or not.
Thank you Jason for having the courage to execute the technnique and even more for sharing it! I recommend that you repeat the scene multiple time in order to bear witness to the “extinction” effect. You will gradually notie that the scene produces less arousal, becomes harder to keep in focus, becomes boring etc. You also may notice that new cue content areas of current or historical significance emerge as you repeat the scene.
I am always in awe of those who choose to face their fears!!!
Please keep us updated as you continue in your work.