Anger and Compassion

Anger and Compassion: A meditation

Anger is a very natural response in any situation in which our goals or ambitions are blocked or when we are personally experiencing threat from another. Or natural inclination is to strike back and retaliate in an aggressive or even violent manner. We have all experienced this. So if one cuts in front of us on the highway, our first inclination may be to engage in the well worn path of reactive anger and shout out some derogatory statement, or make some obscene gesture. And this is in response to a relatively mild offense. Now I work with many patients who have been in fact egregiously hurt and victimized whether as a consequence of childhood sexual or physical abuse, spousal abuse, combat experiences, rape and other interpersonal trauma. It is only natural for such individuals to experience rage toward their current or historical offenders.

Lovingkindess is the antidote to anger - Bodicitta

Loving kindess is the antidote to anger – Bodhicitta

On one hand, it is important to help people to directly acknowledge and even give expression to their anger.  To not be able to do so risks the anger being internalized and being expressed through depression, suicidal ideation, self-injurious behavior and physical symptoms. However, it is important to recognize the difference between expressing anger and acting out angrily (see previous posts: E.g., https://blackturtlebooks.com/assertiveness/ ). Once individuals are able to consciously recognize, mindfully label and accept  their anger in a fluid manner, there is another crucial step to be be embraced. This is often the hardest step to comprehend and to put into practice. This involves extending compassion and loving kindness to those who have offended us to the greatest degree. As difficult as this practice is, it can propel us not only from behind the shackles of our rage, but toward total equanimity of mind, peace and personal liberation.

In Buddhism, the practice of Bodhicitta is one of the highest practices in ones quest for personal liberation. Bodhicitta is the practice of extending loving kindness toward all sentient beings, including to those who have hurt us the most. For to be able to do so is to recognize the Buddha-nature that is inherent though often unrealized in all of us. Further, it serves to diminish the delusion that we are individual selves but enhances the understanding that despite our apparent separateness, we are all part of one completely interdependent whole. So, Bodhicitta may be seen as compassion for all beings, accompanied by a falling away of the attachment to the illusion of an inherently-existing self.

The great sages and spiritual leaders of all traditions have inspired us with messages of Bodhicitta. So as jesus instructed, “If one strikes you on one cheek, offer him the other”. Ghandi, Martin Luther King, HH Dailai Lama and the late Nelson Mandella have all offered messages on nonviolence approaches to facing social injustice. But we have been given precious few instructions on what internal actions need to take place to allow for this. John Lennon stated ” You say you want a revolution, well you know, you better free your mind instead”.  Here is a way to do just that.

The following is  a simple meditation that we practice in the Binghamton Buddhist Meditation Group,  that can go a long way, over time, to deepen our sense of compassion towards all sentient beings, including those who have hurt us. It is referred to as Metta-bhavana or Meditation on Loving kindness. It is best performed in an erect, seated and stable meditation position with the eyes closed.  For stages 1 through 4, select individuals who are alive, but not children nor current or former lovers.  Wish for them to have everything good you can think of (success, health, prosperity) and emphasize the wish for them to be happy. Visualize if you can, actual waves of loving kindness energy extending from you towards the various individuals .

1) Someone who has been good or benevolent to you in the past.

2) A friend; someone you like.

3) An aquaintance: someone who have no strong feelings about.

4) Someone who has caused problems for you or loved ones. Someone whom you don’t like or approve of.

5) An expanding sphere: All those in your immediate proximity, in your town or city, state, country, the Earth, the universe.

6) Yourself!

 

As you will soon see, though this appears easy, it in fact can be a very difficult exercise to conduct. More on that in the next post!

By the way, this day, December 8th is when many Buddhists celebrate Bodhi Day, also referred to as Rohatsu in Japan, which commemorates the day Siddhartha Gautama realized his enlightenment some 2500 years ago and became the Buddha or “The Awakened One”. So happy Bodhi Day!

 

 

 

 

 

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